We The People

If you are privileged to follow Rich @ beachbitchbimbo.blogspot.com/ you'd be aware that our Spider Sense was tingling, and we were close to tracking down Osama Bin Laden. Now, the events recorded by Rich were 110% accurate, however, there was one important detail that he forgot to include.

The night before we were tipped off by an anonymous source. I have struggled keeping this under wraps, however, I feel the truth has to come out. His name is Doctor Rabbit.



We were out on the town drinking various mixed drinks from the Orient when my cell phone began ringing off the hook. I picked it up and a strange voice gave a hint that at 1 PM Bin Laden would be looking for cha cha heels and ski masks at the old Building 19 turned flea market in Lynn, MA. He made note that we shouldn't get distracted by shiny earrings because they're plentiful in this location. It took me a while for this information to register. I had to tell Rich and Amy. They were in shock.

When we were outside smoking cigarettes I remembered a specific quip made by the voice on the other line. He made reference to Plaque Monsters, and how we need to remember to brush our teeth, since Bin Laden has quite the nose that can smell the will of an American Hero on the breath of any trackers.

We skipped town, drunk, and made our way to a Lexis-Nexis database where I searched for "Plaque Monsters". A game came up, and the plot thickened.



I knew I had seen those JNCO flood pants and yellow Keds at some point prior to these events... I remember going on a tour across the world, somehow riding a bicycle to Africa, where local wildlife told me to brush two to three times a day, and to floss often. We observed, but could still not put a name to this face. We knew what must be done.

Being that we had been drinking, eating Lo-Mein, and smoking cigarettes for a majority of the night, it was an established fact that we had our own collection of Plaque Monsters. Rich actually tried to floss in the meantime. If you know Rich, he loves to floss because, according to him, it is like a massage for your gums. Amy and I had to tackle him and bring him to his senses. If we wanted to find out the name of this operative we were going to have to consult as many Plaque Monsters as possible. If the three of us weren't enough we'd have to assault people on the streets and perform an oral smear. The more monsters the better.

We had a throng of them from ourselves, but they wouldn't crack. We went to the Mobile On the Run, and inoculated the gentleman behind the counter, leaving him with a swollen eye, a heroin addiction, and a complimentary chocolate so he could regenerate his stolen Plaque Monsters.

The Plaque Monsters spoke after much Guantanamo Bay influenced secret torture. However, they never spilled the beans completely. They mumbled "Med School", "Maury Povich", "Day time TV for assistant", "Jefferson Airplane", "Alice in Wonderland", "Easter"...

Needless to say, we were thoroughly confused by this. We thought they were simply giving nonsensical answers to throw us off our quest. However, after a few fishbowls and Paris Hilton impersonations it struck us. It simultaneously hit us like lightning. Our minds were consumed in a vacuum that pulled us into it's Hoover brand bag (old vacuum). Somewhere in the lint, cat hair, and baby teeth was the answer.

It was him!

Doctor Rabbit!!!

I can't put my finger on what Doctor Rabbit has to do with 9/11. Rich came to the conclusion that it must be because Bin Laden doesn't promote good oral hygiene, rendering him godless in Doctor Rabbit's eyes. Doctor Rabbit also works close with Lady Fatima, and he must have received a vision from her at this time. Like Nostradamus, Doctor Rabbit prophesied that Osama Bin Laden would be on the North Shore...

We prepared ourselves.

However, we forgot about Daylight Savings, and we didn't spring forward. So aside from Amy's obsession with chunky earrings, we also had a late start.

This is one hundred percent fact. I had a tape, but the CIA removed all traces from my possessions. I hope this gets out. Doctor Rabbit and Lady Fatima would make a formidable team. With our powers combined we can stop Osama Bin Laden. We are true American heroes, and I hope that you, the reader, join our cause. Never forget...